Ikanaide - Don't go
by Iscanox
Summary: "It's strange when you believe a person to be a certain way, only to have your expectations betrayed." Being reincarnated and being reborn were two very different things. There were no parents to love me, no one to befriend, and the one person who knew of my existence, who knew what I was had left me. [Full summary inside.] [Vague hints of onesided YamatoxOC]


" _It's strange when you believe a person to be a certain way, only to have your expectations betrayed." Being reincarnated and being reborn were two very different things. There were no parents to love me, no one to befriend, and the one person who knew of my existence, who knew what I was had left me. "I thought he would help me. Save me. Undo whatever he did to me. But he never did. He left and never looked back. I'm sure he no longer recognizes me, and I thought I would lose myself to hatred because of it…" I smiled, "-But you saved me. Thank you." [Vague hints of onesided YamatoxOC]_

* * *

It never truly ceased to render me uncomfortable. I doubted it ever would. After all, while I had long ago accepted what I was and how I had come to be in this world, the telltale signs that I was _no longer human – not truly, not really –_ always left me feeling empty. It didn't matter that my two-toned hair – a result of the jutsu, I presumed, as it had once been purely black – looked reasonably normal. It didn't matter that my eyes were the same violet they'd always been.

Because my sclera would always be grey and my skin would always be cracked and broken and _wrong_.

It had taken me time to accept, to understand and to truly realize what it all meant. I spent years alone, in that same spot as I'd been 'born' in – so to say, as rebirth would have been a mercy compared to this, it truly would have been – hoping, praying, wishing he'd return. Wishing he'd undo what he'd done to me. Wishing he'd save me.

But he didn't.

At first, I didn't blame him. It was human nature to fear the unknown, and it was obvious that he had not expected me to come into being so I understood why he ran. Why he feared and why he didn't want to acknowledge his mistake.

But I also knew he'd used it again. He'd used it again after knowing what it could do and then he'd felt bad so he'd claimed it forbidden and had hidden it away.

But he never came back.

It was when that realization finally sank in that I began to resent him.

He'd died a long time ago, I knew.

Dead and gone, like I should've been.

 _But even death was robbed from me._

* * *

"They say there is nothing worse than death, but I must say… I disagree with that statement," I murmured softly, startling the boy next to me as if he thought me incapable of speech.

A moment passed. Seconds to him perhaps, but minutes to me. Really, if there was anything my long life – could it truly be called that anymore? – had taught me, it was patience. To me, time seemed short, because a year to me meant nothing. Changed nothing. I wouldn't be dying anytime soon, after all.

He found his voice.

"W… What do you mean, onee-san?" he spoke softly, his words hesitant but his tone curious.

My lips tugged upwards slightly in a lopsided smirk at the title and I let out an amused snort. I liked the boy. He'd amuse me at times. It was nice, not being alone. But I knew he'd have to leave soon. It wasn't his place to be here. He was meant for other things. Greater things.

"What's worse than death, is when you can't live, but you can't die either," I explained swiftly, raising an eyebrow upon seeing his confused expression. My left hand settled on top of his hair and I ruffled it affectionately. Really, he was too cute for his own good.

But it was nice.

I'd miss him, because he brought out a part of myself that I'd buried long ago.

"You'll understand when you're older, Yua-kun."

His eyes narrowed and he huffed in annoyance. _Good_ , I thought to myself, _that blank mask he wears sometimes looks far too ugly on him._

"Don't call me that…"

I shrugged, knowing full well that he enjoyed the name. Enjoyed _having_ a name.

"I'll stop calling you that when you get yourself a girlfriend, okay?" I joked, shaking my head. The memories were fuzzy, but if my gut feeling was correct, such a day would never come.

 _Good_ , I huffed to myself, _because there is not a single person in this world that deserves him._

What could I say? The little tyke had grown on me something incredible in the time I'd known him – ever since I broke him out of that place on accident, but it was an accident I cherished for it had brought me some light into my life, even if only for a while – and I'd become just a wee bit protective of him.

Clearly, the disbelieving look he sent me implied he thought I was an idiot.

I rewarded him with a chuckle.

"Actually, I changed my mind. I'll start calling you something even more embarrassing if you get a girlfriend."

"… You're weird, onee-san…"

I nodded. I was weird indeed. He knew. I knew. We accepted it. I had little choice but to accept myself and he felt too indebted to me – and maybe just maybe my affection wasn't one-sided – to think of me in a bad light.

His past made him an ideal companion, as horrible as it was to say such a thing.

The experiments, the pain, the horrible experiences he suffered through made him far more accepting of me than most others. He didn't question why my eyes were strange. He didn't question why my skin was marred, didn't question why my dark hair was tipped with white and he didn't question why I never slept or ate.

And I was grateful.

In turn, I didn't question him either. I didn't bat an eye when one of his arms turned into wood and he burst into panicked tears. I didn't flinch when he slapped my hand away by reflex. I didn't stop giving him affection despite his rejections, knowing that if I sought affection and craved it, surely he did too.

And eventually, he melted.

I often found myself wondering, just when had my fondness for him turned into love?

 _Perhaps_ , I smiled to myself, _it doesn't truly matter._

* * *

"… If you don't want to kill it, I _can_ do it for you, you know…" I trailed off uncertainly, staring at the heartbroken boy in front of me. He was cradling a snow white bunny to his chest, sending me meaningful looks that made me slightly uncomfortable. Really, I had only myself to blame considering I was the one who agreed to bring Yua with me on the usual hunting trip.

Granted, when I finally gave in to his request I hadn't actually thought he'd be so averse to killing small animals, but surprisingly he was. Still, while I had no need for food, he did, and so whether he liked it or not an animal or two would have to die.

"… Do we have to?"

I blinked, confused for a moment before I realized what he was referring to.

"… Yes. Unless you want to eat grass-" I began before he interrupted me midsentence.

"-I'll do it!" His voice was determined, his eyes pleading, if nothing else. I let out a hum.

"Don't come complaining to me later then," was my swift reply, which was met with a nod and a pleased smile. It made me feel a bit better about the whole situation, even if it bothered me that he'd be losing some very much needed protein. He wasn't the biggest eater after all, so I always made sure every meal was as healthy as it could be – my resources were limited considering we were somewhere within Water country and my appearance made it impossible for me to actually enter any villages – so it'd have a positive effect even if he didn't eat it all.

Still, it was clear he hadn't quite thought his decision through, considering he soon found himself standing awkwardly in place, glancing between my amused expression and the bunny.

"Would you like to keep it?" I asked him then, pretending not to melt upon seeing the expression that settled on his face.

"C… Can I?" he spoke softly, as if worried he'd heard me wrong.

I nodded.

"So long as you take care of it on your own. It'll be your responsibility. Can I trust you to do this?"

He nodded happily.

"Thank you, onee-san!"

I shrugged.

As if I would tell the boy I'd done it just to make him smile.

He didn't need to know the kind of power he held over me.

* * *

"Onee-san?"

I lazily opened an eye, sending Yua an inquisitive look. Once he noticed my attention was on him, he hesitantly shuffled closer.

"Does it… does it ever hurt?"

I was surprised then, my other eye opening and both widening slightly. It wasn't often Yua inquired about my appearance, as he knew it was a sore spot, so it made me curious as to what had made him ask it so suddenly. However, I knew the boy was nervous and so I decided not to leave him hanging without an answer.

"It used to, a long… long time ago," I murmured, absentmindedly tracing the longest crack across my cheek and over my nose with my fingers. Yua fidgeted before slowly, as if to not scare me, reached out and put his small hand on my cheek. I was quiet, watching him to see just what he planned on doing next.

When his small, but warm, so very warm and comforting, fingers began tracing another crack that marred my skin I stared at him in silence. His movements were hesitant and he seemed almost uncomfortable, but he didn't stop. Eventually, he grew still and shuffled even closer.

"My chest hurts sometimes…" he mumbled, eyes now downcast. He slowly removed his hand from my cheek and instead settled it on his lap. His other hand clutched at his shirt.

"And I think… 'Maybe I'll explode one day, maybe that's why it hurts.'… 'Maybe I'll die just like the others did.'… and it scares me, onee-san… I… I don't feel right. Like I'm not really… me anymore…" he confessed quietly, in a tone so quivering I worried he'd break.

So I pulled him closer, draping an arm across his shoulders and burying his face in my side.

I couldn't bring myself to tell him that it'd get better, because I knew it wouldn't.

If he was anything like me, he'd always have that thought in the back of his head.

That thought telling him that he wasn't the same anymore…

… and that he never would be.

* * *

"Kara."

"… Onee-san?"

"My name," I clarified upon seeing his lost expression. His eyes brightened for a moment, before they became contemplative.

"But that name means…" he trailed off, a frown tugging at his lips, his eyebrows furrowed.

I shrugged.

"If the glove fits…" I trailed off with a shake of my head. Kara. Empty. It fit, considering the body I technically inhabited was just that. Empty.

Yua seemed torn, but ultimately seemed to settle down after a moment of thought.

"… Takara-san…" he muttered softly, nodding as if to reassure himself.

I raised an eyebrow at the name – and that he'd tacked off the 'onee' – but didn't comment.

 _Treasure, huh… I suppose I can live with that._

* * *

Clothes weren't a necessity for me, as they'd sort of just come with the jutsu and all, but there were times when I wished for a new outfit, if only for some variation.

I think Yua was able to tell, as I tended to get agitated around villages, my hands itching to touch fresh and clean fabrics. Instead, I had to settle with adjusting my oversized hoodie – really, it went all the way down to my _knees_ and it looked ridiculous – and snort at my bare feet.

Even though we were in the Fire country now, it wasn't as if I could just waltz into town considering one glance at my face would send most people running off screaming, but I had started allowing Yua to go shopping in the various smaller villages – I wasn't ready to hand him over to Konoha yet, I wondered if I ever would be – for food and clothes for the little guy.

I wasn't exactly short on cash as I'd robbed a certain sannin dry when I'd busted Yua out. Really, what sort of idiot left money lying out anyway? He definitely had it coming.

Now, Yua knew I didn't need clothes because he'd seen how my outfit simply mended after being nicked by branches and other things, so he knew better than to buy my anything unless I specifically asked him. But he still bought me things at times.

A bracelet matching his own, an earring that supposedly brought out my eyes – which was ironic considering my eyes were my biggest giveaway – and occasional small trinkets he probably thought I'd like. He was sweet, really, more than he'd ever been given credit for which became evident one day when he returned to our little camp with a hastily wrapped box.

He'd been nervous, sweating and fidgeting, before handing me the box, uttering a soft 'happy birthday' to me because 'even if you don't celebrate them I'm happy you were born so I want to celebrate them and would you stop _laughing_ this is serious Takara-onee-san' with an adorable blush on his chubby cheeks.

Inside I found what I first thought to be a flower, which made me wonder if Yua had completely lost it considering flowers wilted so it was kind of pointless. Upon closer inspection however, I realized the rose was made out of fabric and was attached to a thin ribbon.

Yua fidgeted at my stare, but sent me a hesitant smile.

"It… it's supposed to be used as a hair band or necklace…"

"I see."

He continued to fidget the rest of the day.

When he woke up the next day it was to a single violet eye staring at him as the other was hidden behind a rose of surprisingly high quality fabric, the ribbon tied into an elegant bow at the back of my head.

He was positively glowing the entire week.

* * *

I had been a casual fan. As such my knowledge was limited, but I knew Yua needed training. From what vague memories I still could recall, his original 'trainer' had been that horrible man with eyes in his arm from Root. Naturally, I wanted him nowhere near any weird old men, which left my choices limited.

I couldn't remember a whole lot of jutsus, considering the only ones used frequently were insanely strong ones rather than jutsus good for beginners, so obviously if Yua was to be able to train and become stronger, I'd have to either find someone to train him or I'd have to find scrolls or books that he could study, because I could only teach him two or three jutsus and that hardly made him Genin level.

Needless to say, I picked the second option, far too attached to the boy to risk him being stolen away or something worse.

It was considerably simpler to infiltrate a hidden village and acquire basic Genin jutsu scrolls than I thought it would be. Really, their security needed work considering they actually believed my crappy henge was an actual Konoha ninja. But I'd expected it to be somewhat easy. Really, I could've gone to any village and have the same result, if I was lucky. But I'd picked Konoha because I needed any information on the Mokuton I could find. And that information was obviously locked behind shut doors.

However, that didn't mean I couldn't ask around to see if anyone knew of any techniques.

I must've looked pretty silly, acting like a deranged fangirl of the first Hokage just to try and get some info. In the end I didn't really get any information of use, which left me feeling a tad disappointed, but with some basic jutsu scrolls tucked into my hoodie I left Konoha swiftly.

I knew that I'd aroused suspicion with my questions, which was why it was pretty important to get the hell out of there before anyone decided to act on their suspicions.

We spent two more nights in the land of Fire before we swiftly crossed the borders and ended up in what I assumed was one of the smaller countries no one ever seemed to care about.

 _Good._

His eyes shone brightly when I brought out the scrolls for him to study.

When mere weeks later he'd surpassed my sad amount of jutsus I told him how proud I was.

He gave me a hug.

I blushed in surprise and spluttered incoherently.

He never let me forget it.

* * *

Contrary to what Yua seemed to think, I wasn't completely useless in a fight. I just avoided confrontation, because I knew that I was only Genin level on my best days, which was why the jutsus I actually had bothered to learn were aimed towards escaping out of harm's way. The Kawarimi, or the replacement jutsu as I believed it was called, to dodge attacks and put some space between myself and an enemy, the Henge, or transformation jutsu, to disguise myself and the basic Shunsin, or body flicker if you preferred, to run away.

The problem, and thus the reason why I preferred flight over fight, was that so many shinobi were ridiculously overpowered and I knew they'd wipe the floor with me, because unlike me they could become stronger whereas I was perpetually stuck as a twenty something year old with a low amount of chakra – even though I shouldn't have had any chakra at all – and crappy physical strength.

But I wasn't useless in a fight.

My body would always heal, so I could afford to take hits that would kill someone else. Hits that would kill Yua.

And I did, every time.

He cried a lot, even though he knew my wounds would mend eventually. I found it to be a bit heartbreaking, but I… cared too much to allow him to get hurt. He wasn't like me. He wouldn't recover from fatal wounds like I did. Granted, I never did suffer anything fatal, nor did I tell him that even if I was decapitated, I'd still live.

It wounded my pride more than my body, in the end. Knowing I wasn't strong enough to protect someone without throwing my body between them and the enemy didn't exactly do wonders for my confidence.

 _But… if my pride would have me abandon him… then pride be damned._

* * *

I hadn't truly been ready to separate from him. In fact, I was fairly certain I would've never left Yua, had things remained the way they were.

But things changed. Rapidly at that. I knew we should've stayed out of any large countries, but I knew that while Yua enjoyed my company, it was important that he got to meet and talk to others too. It'd be easier for him to function socially that way. And the shopping trips were good for that. They made him more responsible too, made him feel mature and trusted.

And it was shortly after one of these shopping trips the clearing we'd set up camp in was filled to the brim with ninja. One glance at their foreheads told me it was Konoha. A fact I found odd considering they weren't typically aggressive unless they had enough evidence to back it up. I had asked questions, sure, but I'd been using a henge while doing it and I hadn't shown any malicious intent.

But then, as various ninja completely trashed me – a fact I found hard to believe because most of them looked so _young_ – I realized that while they weren't masked – another odd fact – they weren't normal shinobi.

 _Root._

I cursed and I yelled and I glared with such anger that I wondered if they'd be set on fire if they met my gaze.

I was ignored, my legs separated from the rest of my body, leaving me unable to move. They didn't even seemed bothered that I hadn't bled or the fact that while I was in pain, I still tried to move as best as I could.

Yua was terrified. He kept yelling my name over and over, reaching out towards me. And I was close. So close to touching. So close to grab his hand and tug him towards me. But then he was gone.

I screamed again, both from anguish and pain.

I didn't care about 'canon'. I could hardly even _remember_ what was supposed to happen. Snippets, small things, names and the greatest dangers. But that was all.

It didn't matter to me anymore.

I was happy with just me and Yua.

I didn't want it to end.

"Yua…"

Five days later, as my legs had reattached themselves, an old couple found me in the clearing, not having moved an inch since Yua's kidnapping. They didn't even hesitate to bring me to their home, even though I knew they'd seen my strange appearance.

It made me feel warm inside, knowing there were still those capable of such kindness.

But it didn't ease the pain from knowing Yua was outside of my reach.

Or the fact that he was no doubt suffering far more than I was.

* * *

 _Kinoe._

That was the name he was given.

He didn't like it. Hated it. It wasn't his name, but they wouldn't listen.

They – _he_ – wanted Yua to forget. Forget _her_ and everything she was to him. What she represented.

But he didn't want to forget.

* * *

" _There's a difference between living and being happy. Remember that, Yua-kun. You can live without happiness, but you can't be happy if you're dead."_

" _What does that even mean..?"_

" _It means that you're not truly living if you never experience happiness. Ahah… but that's just what I believe, so don't hurt your head thinking about it, okay?"_

* * *

She'd taught him a lot of things, and while he hadn't trusted her at first she didn't give up. She'd saved him from that place, took care of him, clothed and fed him and never once looked at him as if he was a monster.

 _Or a weapon…_

He frowned, not particularly caring if the expression would make anyone angry.

He missed her, and he wondered…

… had her wounds been too great to mend?

* * *

I wasn't sure how long it had been since Yua had been taken away.

Looking at the couple in front of me, I could tell it had to have been years ago considering their aging faces had considerably more wrinkles than the first time I met them, but to me it felt like it had been yesterday.

But then again, my concept of time was incredibly warped, being a walking corpse – or something similar to it – and all. But before Yua… Before Yua time had ticked by fast. Now it seemed to have almost stopped.

They were kind. Truly, they were. But their kindness didn't make it any easier. It didn't make me forget. It didn't stop my chest from aching.

I appreciated it, however, and repaid them through hard work and kindness in turn – and if my kindness seemed a bit lackluster or forced, they didn't seem to mind.

I'd never been particularly religious, but I found myself praying nearly every night for Yua to be safe and healthy.

 _I wish… there was more I could do._

"Please be safe… Yua…"

* * *

It was becoming difficult to remember.

Her name rang clearly in his mind, but her face was blurry and without detail.

 _But she wears a rose over her right eye…_

It was his way of coping. Even if he couldn't remember everything about her, it was better than nothing.

 _Takara wears a rose over her right eye. I gave her the rose. She is important. I don't want to forget._

And Danzo couldn't make him. Not truly. But he tried, Kami, he did. Through mental conditioning, through pain, through hypnosis. But Yua refused to forget. Or was it Kinoe now? It was becoming hard for him to remember his own name too.

 _I don't want to forget…_

Even if they robbed him off all his emotions, he didn't want to forget.

 _Because if I forget… I might not remember how to live anymore._

* * *

 _Is he all grown up now?_

It was a question I asked myself often.

The old couple had passed away some time ago. It had been peaceful, in their sleep.

I was sad, I think, but ultimately I tried not to dwell on it. It reminded me too strongly of my own condition and it hurt. It scared me too, because when it hurt it made me angry at _him_.

So I tried to move on, forget about it and keep living. While I succeeded with the first two, no matter how I tried I couldn't convince myself that what I was doing was living, because it really wasn't.

With Yua, I had motivations, reasons for getting up and doing things and it made me at least _feel_ like I was alive. Like I wasn't just a soul stuck in the corpse of someone I didn't even know.

But most of all, I'd been happy.

Now? Now I did little else but wander. I didn't need to eat – couldn't – or drink – couldn't – or sleep – _couldn't_ – so there really was no reason to do anything. But I wandered.

Because I was afraid that if I stopped, I wouldn't have the strength to keep going.

The sky was full of stars.

 _And I hope those stars are watching over you... even though I wish I was…_

* * *

 _Treasure. Rose. Right. Important._ _ **Don't forget.**_

Kinoe repeated the mantra to himself every morning and every night. He wasn't truly sure what it meant anymore, but he knew he wasn't allowed to forget.

Danzo-sama had stopped asking, because Kinoe had stopped answering.

Danzo-sama believed he had forgotten, and he let him think that. It was easier that way. It made Danzo-sama pleased and it made everyone stop asking him questions he didn't want to answer.

He couldn't remember why he had to remember. He also knew that every time he repeated his mantra a surge of _something_ erupted inside of his chest. Emotion was weakness, he knew. He _knew_ , but he couldn't bring himself to forget. To let go.

Perhaps it really was true.

 _But as long as it doesn't hinder me, it won't matter._

* * *

It had been swift. Two seconds, perhaps, maybe even less.

But I'd seen him.

I'd felt him.

He didn't even flinch. Didn't falter in his steps.

I'd kept my hood up along with my henge, having stopped by Konoha. It had been a slim chance, really, but in the end it had been enough.

He wore one of those horrid blank masks, but his chakra was the same as always.

For the first time in quite some time, my lips tugged upwards.

 _His hair's a lot longer now…_

If we'd still been together, I probably would have teased him about it, but that mask was a reminder that I hadn't been able to protect him, and that brought back my somber mood.

 _I wonder… if you'd seen me… really seen me, without the hood or transformation…_

"… Would you have recognized me..?"

* * *

 _Rose. Right. Important._ _ **Don't forget.**_

He was beginning to question Root. Beginning to doubt. Perhaps, deep down he always had been.

And Danzo-sama was furious when he tried to explain that he didn't think it to be right to kill those who were his allies.

He couldn't remember much, but when he woke up he felt… at ease. Safe, in a way.

His movements still felt stiff and his smiles were forced, but inside he felt like a heavy burden had been lifted.

His new senpai gave him a new name.

He liked it much more than Kinoe, but for reasons he couldn't understand – couldn't remember – it still made him sad.

He failed to notice the hooded figure watching him silently from afar, or the way their chakra felt familiar.

Or perhaps, he did notice, but did not remember.

* * *

I wasn't quite 'happy', but I felt almost content once I'd confirmed Yua was finally out of that terrible place. The normal Anbu weren't much better, but they were still _better_.

He had a long way to go, considering his team leader – his silver hair was familiar but I couldn't for the life of me recall his name – had noticed the way I consistently watched them, but he hadn't even reacted to me being there.

It was obvious that I wasn't considered a threat, however, as no one ever approached me or attacked me. My presence might have been known to the Hokage, I knew, but it wasn't as if he could kill me anyway.

I think the team had made a game out of it, betting on when he'd notice that he had a 'fan', as they probably assumed I was. It provided me with some amusement, at the very least, and passed the time.

I might've been dubbed a stalker by some, but I liked to think I was looking out for him rather than stalking him.

 _I miss him._

But I couldn't bring myself to approach him, because I was afraid.

I was afraid he'd be happier with this life, than one he'd already forgotten.

I think his captain noticed my melancholy, because sometimes… sometimes he seemed to be sending me a look that said "I get it," below that mask.

And that made the tears hard to hold back.

* * *

 _Rose. Important._ _ **Remember.**_

Tenzou blinked.

Had that person always been there?

Their chakra signature felt vaguely familiar and when he stopped to consider it, he noted to himself that, yes, he'd felt that signature before.

He felt bewildered, staring at the hooded figure through his mask. They almost seemed to be staring back, and with the way their shoulders seemed to be shaking slightly, he deduced they were laughing.

At him.

And then they just nodded once before walking away, shoulders trembling ever more.

His lips formed a frown.

When he turned to look at his senpai, he saw the way the older man's shoulders were also shaking. The rest of his team seemed to be laughing at him too, although silently. Clearly, he was missing something, and he let out a huff.

"What's so funny?"

They didn't answer him.

* * *

It was a strange feeling, crying and laughing at the same time.

It sounded more hysterical than anything, to be honest, and I wondered if people would think I was insane if anyone happened to walk close enough to hear me.

I'd left Konoha, naturally. Since he'd seen me, it was like a goal had been accomplished and considering I'd eventually warrant enough suspicion for someone to approach me, I decided then.

Of course, I was under a henge. I wore my hood up. But my chakra was the same, and he hadn't seemed to recognize it.

So I decided to let him live.

 _I miss him._

He seemed happy, and in the end… that was what mattered to me. He was important to me, so of course I wanted him to be happy.

Even if it hurt that he wouldn't be happy with me by his side.

 _But I guess… I was pretty stupid to begin with, right?_

I let out a loud wail somewhere between a chuckle and a sob.

 _Because even if we were together again…_

My laughter ebbed away and my sobs grew louder.

 _He'll die and I'll be all alone again._

Perhaps it was better to get used to loneliness after all.

* * *

 _Rose._ _ **Remember.**_

He didn't see the hooded figure again. Perhaps they'd been a tourist and had returned to wherever they came from. Maybe it had really been a fangirl like his team joked – or, as the ever cruel Kakashi-senpai had put it, a fan _boy_ – and they'd found someone else to stare at.

He wasn't sure, but the sudden absence of the figure whose chakra he'd identified as being present quite a lot even if he hadn't noticed before left him uneasy.

It felt like he was missing something. A crucial piece to the puzzle.

… _Was it someone who knew me?_

He hoped not, because their disappearance could mean they'd been killed. Or that they were reporting back to their leader.

 _They didn't seem dangerous though… and that chakra…_

It felt so odd. So… unnatural.

Was that why he could remember it so well, now that he'd noticed it?

He was forgetting something important.

 _But I have no idea what it is…_

* * *

I'd intended to never see him again. Maybe he'd remember, maybe he wouldn't, but I knew it would hurt too much if I reached out and he didn't. So I decided to leave him be, let him live his life in peace and in turn I'd do my best to try and live a life of my own.

It wasn't exactly working very well, but at the very least my immortality made it possible for me to learn a great deal of things. In the end, I kept wandering, but I did so with a book or a scroll close at all times.

I tried not to think how I was basically becoming Orochimaru's walking dream.

 _It's worse because I actually think snakes are kind of cute…_

Whenever my thoughts entered such territories it made me shudder.

I'd often get caught up in whatever I was reading and whatever memories I had before my impromptu reincarnation were pretty faded, so imagine my surprise when I was out on a casual stroll, nose deep in a book, and the ground next to me _exploded._

I probably looked pretty hilarious, my eyes wide and my jaw slack as I stared at the _crater_ mere inches from where I was standing.

When I heard shouting nearby and what I thought were screams, I promptly decided I should probably turn around and get the hell away from there.

But I was curious.

I was so damn curious.

I'd been doing nothing but walk and read for so long to pass the time that now that there was action, excitement, a fight so close by…

Well, I wanted to check it out.

 _It can't kill me anyway…_

Let me tell you-

It was a pretty big mistake.

I had been fairly close, but in the end I'd arrived shortly after the fight seemed to be over. And when I'd spotted a certain snake man that I tried not to think about, I realized I'd stumbled onto the storyline.

It. Was. Bad.

With a capital B.

Storyline meant trouble, not just because of the chance of encountering Yua, but the danger of encountering anyone.

The adrenaline kick that hit me when I understood what was going on brought back vague memories of what the fight was over.

 _Bad… This is very bad. Okay… Fox kid goes a little overboard, pale paintbrush kid goes with the snake… why did he do that again…? Root… I think?_

I nodded. It sounded about right.

 _Yua- or is it still Yua…? Argh, focus! Yua… did something to fox kid… his mokuton ability? He used it to… calm him down?_

Well, it certainly wasn't working.

Either I was remembering wrong or something was different. Different was pretty bad. Or maybe not. I wasn't really sure anymore.

I kept watching for a while, wondering just what was wrong. Why fox kid was still poised to attack. Why calming him down, or restraining him or whatever, wasn't working.

And I realized things were about to get even worse, because the pink haired girl seemed to now be trying to talk to fox kid. And he did not seem happy.

In the end I probably shouldn't have interfered, because maybe just maybe things would be fine anyway. Maybe the ball of pure malevolent chakra wouldn't have hit the girl, because maybe she would have moved. Maybe Yua would have protected her.

But for a moment I'd seen a different scene in front of me.

So I moved. I flickered. I took hold and I _jumped_.

The ball roared past beneath us and exploded far away.

I landed, and suddenly everything was silent.

 _Right… this seems to be an opportune moment to get the hell out of here…_

I set the girl down properly on her feet, ignoring her wide-eyes and her trembling hands, before turning around and walking the other way. Naturally, I didn't get very far before pillars of wood burst out of the ground and wrapped around me.

"Who are you? Are you working with Orochimaru?"

His tone was low and serious and there was a silent threat layered beneath his words.

I sighed.

"No one important and no, I'm not working with what's-his-face."

After all, I wouldn't have had a reason to help the girl out if I was, though I reckoned they might've thought I was trying to simply gain their trust.

"Now are you going to squish me or not? Cause really, the longer you spend here, the further away they'll get."

He didn't look happy, not in the slightest, but he reluctantly let me go. Perhaps, I noted, the true reason was the seeming flicker of recognition in his eyes. Whether he recognized _me_ or the hooded figure from Konoha, however, I wasn't sure.

And then I was gone, and the plot continued moving.

 _And that's for the best… isn't it?_

* * *

The next time we stumbled across each other, I couldn't stop myself from letting out a pained groan.

The entire group froze upon hearing the sound and suddenly all eyes were on me.

I could tell that while fox boy and pale boy didn't recognize me – he was pretty out of it and all and pale boy wasn't present last time – pink haired girl and Yua certainly did, especially considering the grimace on the latter's face.

"Eh? Who're you?" Fox kid questioned loudly, and quite dramatically, while pointing at me as if I was some sort of miracle.

Resisting the urge to facepalm, I sighed.

"Riiiight… Getting the hell outta here for sure…" I muttered before I took off in the direction I came from. I'd grown increasingly crude due to my isolation, I realized, but I honestly couldn't be bothered to truly care.

I heard what I assumed to be an insulted shriek before my eyes widened in shock as there was orange _everywhere_.

I let out an arrogant, and quite upset, sniff, managing to keep some kind of decency - despite the fact that I was being manhandled by a pair of clones – as I looked the other way.

I knew I'd walked in on something I probably shouldn't have, but really, I hadn't actually heard anything so I saw no reason as to why they decided to capture me. Unless it was just fox kid's idea.

 _Ah well… I can get free whenever I want, technically, since I can just break an arm or two… but it'd be nice if I didn't have to wait for my arms to heal up…_

Fox kid began throwing questions at me, pointing once more.

I bit his finger.

I'd like to think the look on his face was worth it.

Nobody else seemed to agree.

"What the hell?! Why'd you bite me?!"

I deadpanned.

"It's rude to point at people."

I didn't add the 'didn't your parents teach you that' because I had a vague feeling that'd be insensitive.

"Are you following us?" Yua questioned this time. Or whatever name he went by now.

I snorted, puffing up my cheeks, but a sudden nervousness was beginning to creep up on me. My hood covered my face pretty well, as it had last time too, but I knew that if they decided to pull it down, I couldn't stop them in time.

 _And what if one of them knows what I am. That'd be horrible. Bad. Super terrible._

"… I'm not," I finally relented, letting out another sigh while shaking my head. "Not that you'd believe that, of course. As is to be expected…"

I got restrained by wooden pillars again for my attempt at sass.

 _Great._

My chest ached. It was difficult, being this close, having strengthened my resolve and feeling it slowly crack. I had to leave, I knew, or I wouldn't be able to let go. And I had to let go.

But breaking my own arms did not impede my movement.

The fact that the man I once considered a boy could crush my legs at any moment however, made things trickier. Because if my legs were damaged too badly, I wouldn't be able to escape.

 _They weren't supposed to be here… Hell, I don't even_ _ **know**_ _where here is!_

They continued questioning me, him more than them, but I deflected all questions aimed at me swiftly. It annoyed them, I could tell, but I had steeled myself on the matter. It was better this way, and I wasn't an actual threat to them.

My resolve utterly shattered when my hood was pulled down however, because I couldn't henge without my hands and they were staring straight at me. They were seeing me. The real me. The dead, corpse possessing me that should by all means not exist.

Whether the teens knew what I was or not, I wasn't quite sure, because pink hair and fox kid both looked shocked – which could be both because of my appearance and because of what I was – while pale boy had a seemingly blank look on his face. He seemed unsure, almost, like he wasn't sure what sort of expression he should be showing.

Yua was… Yua was meeting my gaze straight on, his eyes wide.

I knew then.

He'd remembered. Everything? Barely anything?

I had no way of knowing.

But he'd remembered something and it left my chest aching with unease but also with _hope_.

And then he spoke.

"… Takara…?"

His voice was carefully even, but I could tell. I could tell that he was shocked. That he was hesitant. He was scared.

Scared I was someone else. That he was mistaken.

Or perhaps, that I was someone he was supposed to stay away from.

There was chaos.

"EEEEH?! Yamato-taicho, you know her?!"

He blinked, seemingly snapped out of his stupor.

I frowned.

 _Yamato… huh… I really had forgotten that… You were always Yua to me…_

"Yes," he spoke after a moment, before nodding once as if to confirm it. I was released near instantly after that, which I found somewhat odd considering I _could_ have been an impostor. I didn't really feel like pointing that out though, and didn't need to.

"She could be an impostor," pale boy pointed out, an out of place smile on his face. I resisted the urge to chuckle, which wasn't hard considering my chest was practically constricting and I felt like I was dying. Again.

 _Can dead people have heart attacks? Cause I think I'm going into cardiac arrest here._

Yu- Yamato exchanged some words with his team before seemingly shooing them off. I wasn't paying attention, too busy trying to remain calm.

And then he started talking to me again, asking me questions. So, so many questions and I only answered half because too many of them hurt to even consider answering and I could feel my mask slowly crack and crumble away before finally, it gave way and I let my expression settle onto a sad smile.

"I'd rather not answer any more questions," I mumbled softly, grimacing when I noticed the way he seemed to freeze up for a moment.

"… There's… one last question…" he spoke, hesitantly, and I realized it was not going to be a professional question but rather a personal one. I let out a tired sigh before inclining my head, telling him silently to go on.

"You were the one back then… who saved Sakura… but you left. You were going to leave now too… Why?"

 _Because you had forgotten and I thought you would be happier if you didn't remember._

"… Because it'd be better that way."

Part of me wanted him to snap at me, like he'd always done when he was little, but he didn't. Instead, a contemplative look settled on his face and I wondered if he'd be able to deduce my true feelings from my concise answer.

 _Probably not._

He called back his team and their mission continued. I wasn't let out of their sight, constantly surrounded by clones ready to restrain me in case I tried to run. Not that I tried, really. Couldn't bring myself to, because I knew it would hurt him.

They finished their mission fairly quickly, and it was stated I would be returning to Konoha with them.

I wasn't given a chance to state my opinion on the matter, but had reluctantly nodded in response regardless. If his team considered me cooperative, it'd possibly help me out in the long run.

My chest felt heavy.

I wanted to cry.

* * *

I found myself personally interrogated by the Hokage. The fifth one, if memory served me correctly. She asked even more questions that Yamato had, but this time I answered each and every one of them. I think I'd accepted it. Resigned to it, more so. The only time I didn't answer was when she asked me why I looked the way I did. I knew she had her theories and decided it was up to her to find out.

I didn't possess any dangerous information, not really, so there wasn't really any reason for me to remain silent. But with Yamato it had been harder.

I knew him. I cared for him. He weakened my resolve and left my mind a mess. Because it hurt. It hurt to see him and be reminded that had I been stronger he wouldn't have been the same.

 _He… would've been weaker. Vulnerable… And seeing that, knowing that he really was safer and would be happier without me… it hurts._

I wished he hadn't been dragged into Root and that mess, but aside from that he was… well.

But I was also happy. Because I got to see him again. Because he recognized me.

It was hard.

I think I cried.

* * *

I was deemed as a non-threat to Konoha, having had Yamato as well as his team to vouch for me – although they weren't really sure. Fox kid, whose name I finally learned was Naruto, was pretty spirited though, going on about how a friend of Yamato couldn't be a bad person.

I was still under constant supervision, naturally, either by Anbu or various Jōnin I didn't recognize, until one day when a familiar silver haired Jōnin was appointed my babysitter for the day.

"Yo," he greeted me casually and I had no doubt he knew I had been the hooded figure from way back then. I raised an eyebrow in wonder at his laid back attitude, but eventually simply shrugged, deciding not to dwell on it. He sent me what I assumed was a smile, his one visible eye crinkling at the edges before closing.

"Hatake Kakashi," he introduced himself, lazily meeting my stare.

"… Takara, I guess," I responded after considering just what name I was supposed to go by anyway. The way his eyes narrowed slightly told me he'd noticed my pause. I snorted.

"Well, if you ask Yu-errr… Yamato, anyway," I settled on eventually, ignoring the sudden glint in his eyes. He was curious about how we knew each other, obviously, but I almost shuddered because I was sure I'd caught a hint of something a bit more sadistic in that eye of his. He'd no doubt noticed my slip up on the whole name thing too.

… _I probably shouldn't tell him anything._

He told me a lot of things though. Embarrassing things about Tenzou – or Yamato, rather – from back when he used to be in Anbu. I think it was supposed to make me feel trusted, or perhaps to lighten my mood or something of the sort. It didn't really though. I couldn't deny I was amused, but I wasn't sure if I could ever trust Konoha. There were many kind people here, yes, but they would always be the village that kidnapped a young kid without caring for the consequences.

I sighed, ignoring the look Kakashi sent me.

Part of me wished the jutsu had robbed me of emotions, because things were just far too painful and confusing.

 _But I've got no one to blame but myself in the end, haven't I?_

* * *

Kakashi became my regular babysitter for a while and while I'd like to say that I tried to remain indifferent, he'd grown on me a little. It probably didn't help that he was pretty much the only person I saw now that they'd stopped switching my guard and the Hokage was busy with whatever she was busy with.

And then one day he was just there one day.

Kakashi was nowhere in sight, so I assumed he'd been appointed my guard for the day. We stared at each other for a while before I went back to my book, ignoring the conflicted expression on his face and ignoring the memories that resurfaced when he sat down next to me.

Then he spoke and shattered the tiny resolve I'd built up again.

"Edo Tensei… The second Hokage's forbidden technique."

I stiffened despite not wanting to, before my shoulders slumped and I inclined my head slightly.

"Was… was he the one who-?"

"Yeah."

It wasn't until much later that he spoke again, and I wondered just what sort of thoughts he was battling.

"I heard you met Kakashi-senpai…"

I nodded.

"Yeah. He told me all kinds of embarrassing stories about you."

"… Oh."

"Don't worry. I didn't tell him about the time you wet yourself when I was waking you up."

I could hear a muffled laugh from atop the leaves.

"… You knew he was up in that tree, didn't you?"

I shrugged. I'd assumed he was nearby, but I hadn't exactly been sure. I had a hard time recognizing chakra unless I knew the person well enough so while I'd known someone was close, I didn't know it was him.

"I'm pretty bad at telling chakra signatures apart from one another, but I assumed as much," I added, feeling the need to explain myself a little. A moment later I snorted before shaking my head because it wasn't like it mattered who had been there. The point was that someone was still keeping an eye on me even though I'd been given the impression there weren't people shadowing me from afar.

"'sides, I can smell wet dog from a mile away."

I ignored the spike in chakra, attention returning to my book and we didn't really speak for the rest of the day.

The silence was different though. More relaxed. Content almost.

A sharp contrast to the chaos my confirmation would surely cause.

* * *

I had a feeling Konoha's researchers wanted to poke and prod me with various things, and that Danzo was suspicious, or curious – both bad things – about me, but much like the Hokage had promised me, no one really bothered me. It was a reward for my cooperation, supposedly, but I had an inkling she also wanted to wave me in their face and show that she ruled the place and they would have to deal with it.

Babysitter duty was split up between Kakashi and Yamato for the most part, with the occasional stranger thrown into the loop when they were both busy.

It was routine, I'd grown used to being watched all the time and to be honest, I felt sort of safe. Kind of. Maybe.

So when I was pushed into what I presumed to be a shelter used during evacuations, I felt out of place. Odd.

I could hear and feel the fighting, but I couldn't see it.

Made me uneasy.

 _I haven't seen either of those two…_

Imagine my relief when they both came to escort me back to where I'd been staying, only for a groan to leave me as I was shown the state of the village.

"Did the guy have to take a goddamn dump all over my house?!"

I ignored their amusement, and ignored how it wasn't just my house that had been destroyed, silently resigning myself to possibly having to spend the nights outside again, as I had before.

Until I was forced to help with rebuilding the village.

I made sure they knew just how displeased I was about _that_.

* * *

It was kind of funny, how it had been the opposite all those years ago. When I had taken in Yamato back then, I'd been the one to worm my way into his heart.

And now it was the opposite.

He'd wormed his way back and I reluctantly accepted that my resolve was not nearly as good as I had thought.

He was different, but I still caught pieces of the Yua I knew was at his core, and it wasn't all bad. He was more mature now, responsible and while he was a bit more stoic than I had expected, it was okay.

He was an adult now, after all, I just had trouble seeing that.

I probably always would.

* * *

I felt it.

Wasn't sure what _it_ was at first, but when I saw the others, others like me, it clicked. The person I was sensing was my summoner in a way. But I knew he'd been dead for a long time, as had some of the people I watched from afar been.

Why was I even at that battlefield, I questioned, because it didn't make sense to send me there just because of what I was. I didn't know how to undo it. If I had known, I would've done it a long time ago.

Perhaps it was because I couldn't die. Perhaps they'd mistaken me for someone else. It didn't matter.

I wasn't exactly strong, so the only real use I could find for myself on a battlefield full of shinobi that outclassed me was as a shield.

 _Not like I'd be fast enough to reach anyone in time…_

I wasn't supposed to be there.

But in the end I acted out my part flawlessly.

"… I'll see you later, Yua-kun…"

 _This is the only way I can protect you, because I'm weak you see…_

I smiled.

I didn't even feel the hair impale my chest-

And all was dark.

* * *

My mind was filled with memories. Memories of what was supposed to have been. Memories of what could have been.

I realized that while I hadn't changed a lot of things, I most certainly had changed some things. Small, barely noticeable things, but changes nonetheless. Ripples.

My chest felt warm.

It was a bit unpleasant, but at the same time it felt liberating. Like something heavy had been shackling me, but it was gone now.

I saw a man, at that moment, and he was smiling at me sadly. He said something to me, words I couldn't hear but somehow understood anyway.

I wondered if I'd known him.

I wanted to cry for some reason.

* * *

He was surprised. While he never truly forget her in the past, he'd forgotten a great deal about her.

But now everything was so crisp and clear.

He understood it now. Why she'd said it. A part of him was grateful. A part of him was sad.

Because she hadn't said goodbye, it was almost as if she wasn't truly gone.

 _Just… not here._

And sometimes – though he never admitted it to anyone – he almost felt as if she really was there.

He'd go to the memorial stone to see her sometimes. Her name wasn't on it, but he liked to pretend it was, because he wouldn't have been standing there if she hadn't taken the hit meant for him.

It mystified him at first, how she'd started glowing only to fade away a moment later, because he didn't know the Edo Tensei could be broken that way.

* * *

" _She was able to let go and pass on without regrets. At least… I think that's what happened."_

* * *

He'd felt devastated, because he couldn't – didn't want to – accept that she was really dead. Even though he knew she had been from the beginning.

His heart mended, at least it seemed so, but he couldn't bring himself to truly let her go.

Many years later when Yamato passed away, he'd done so peacefully.

But he'd been alone.

So very alone.

* * *

" _I'd like to think that… no matter where you're from… you all go to the same place when you die."_

" _Takara-san?"_

"… _Ah, nothing, nothing… Just talking to myself."_

* * *

Because she wasn't there-

-and he died all over again.


End file.
